Blag

What is this world coming to?

iPod skins, iPod screen protectors, iPod socks, iPod dock, spare iPod cables, iPod lanyards, iPod FM transmitters, iPod battery packs, iPod headphones. Which is fair enough, as their practical and (usually) relatively affordable.

But now the market is being saturated with the dumbest accessories ever invented. Have manufacturers nothing else to produce? Or are they trying to get in on the “i” craze, four years too late? Check it out -

• iPod desk lamps, for when a dock isn’t hip enough
• OhMiBod iPod vibrator for women… OK, fine, but has iVibe been trademarked already?
• iPod fish tanks for fish who enjoy feeling the vibrations from crappy $2 paper speakers (condemned by the RSPCA actually)
• School bags with ipod docks and built in speakers for those perfect children who treat their schoolbags like chinaware or those who feel that everyone in a 5m radius will appreciate their taste in music
• iDog’s – plastic toy dogs with bling leds and built in speakers, for the 9 year old that appreciates sweatshop goods (oh yeah, they also connect to iPod’s )
• iPod fibre optic Christmas trees, for when the good ol’ CD player just aint good enough for your collection of carols
• and the iFish (click here for more marine goodness)

I still have yet to see an iFridge. Perhaps an iFireplace would be good, so that the iPod would catch fire and teach the moron owner not to invest in such ridiculous products.

Time for all the frugal, miserly, el-cheapo diehards (damn, whats the name of that guy in the Christmas story?) to rejoice!

Cheap deals selection for the bored geek:

• $9 TP-Link 5dbi Wifi Antennas
• 50% off Scanpan cookware at Myer
• $79 Norton Internet Security 2009 @ Big W + Further $20 cash back!
• $96 Norton 360 v2.0
• $12 24x 375ml Crate of Coke/Diet Coke/Zero/Fanta/Sprite
• $12 250psi Air Compressor @ Big W and K-Mart
• $0.05 Pack of 5x 64 page exercise books at most stores
• 25% Cash back on Microsoft Hardware
• $11 8GB USB Flash Drives
• $20/30/40 cash back on Symantec software
• $7 Cadbury Chocolate Fondue Sets
• $17 50-pack AA batteries
• $29 Wireless-g USB Adaptors
• $22 Verbatim Spindle 50 DVD+R at Dick Smith Electronics
• 25% off TV Antennas at Dick Smith Electronics
• $29 Ex-demo printers
• $179 Western Digital Essentials 1TB External HDD USB2.0
• $0.89 32 pack Sparklers
• $40 Car (Auto) 12V to 240VAC Inverter 150W
• $39 DVD Player
• CD/DVDs from $2+ at JB Hifi
• $105 Billion 7402VGO ADSL2+ VPN Modem/Router at JMG Technology

Of course, there’s the usual boring stationery/clothing/furniture sales on as well.

While taking a stroll through Myer looking for specials on Boxing day (ignoring the housewives all clamouring to get a bit of Scanpan action), I came across a few items in the electrical section which caught my eye. (No they were not porn mag dispensers.)

• Electric pasta cooker
• Golf ball washer
• Hot dog machines
• Omlette maker

I am not sure which viewpoint I should take, so I shall present both points of the argument:

OMG some people are so freaking lazy and purchase stupid pointless appliances like these!!!

OR

WTFH, manufacturers produce these retarded products and people actually buy them?

In all serious though, you don’t need any of these things! They are for imbeciles who marry their sisters!

If you have dirty golf balls, then chuck them into a tub of water. Voila! The electric pasta cooker requires so much work that it would be easier to drive to the nearest Italian restaurant and pay through the nose for plate of tortellini. The omlette maker just happens to be an electric frypan, with round moulds welded to its base… * Brainwave * Or… buy an electric frypan for $5 cheaper and you can use it as an omlette maker and a frying pan! 2-in-1! The Asians and Curries will love that!

For the record, some of the jazzed up hot dog makers look more like futuristic sex toys, than cooking implements.

Every Christmas, Myer, Big W, Target, Bing Lee, Clive Peters, Good Guys, Retravision etc etc etc are flooded with all these stupid novelties – hot dog makers, pop corn makers, ice-cream makers, electric pasta cookers, 500-in-1 toaster ovens, omlette makers, pancake makers, proffertjes makers, milkshake makers, ice shavers, glorified toaster ovens, blinged up food processors with $30 cashback offers, multipurpose cooking utilities - whatever the hell they are.

STOPPIT! Cease and desist from producing and “innovating” these retarded appliances, stop wasting impulse buyers money, help the environment, reduce electricity use and leave more shelf room for the chocolates!

Bad manufacturers! No profits and a spanking from Santa would be my gift to them.

…I’ll go back to making out with my hot dog maker now

Merry Christmas to you all!

May you be endowed with lavish gifts while keeping in mind the meaning of christmas or something…

And for those who don’t celebrate christmas, enjoy the holidays anyway